If a battered woman leaves their residence, she should take her children with her. She should not leave them with the abuser. She may face difficulty or delays in getting custody of the children if they are left with the abuser. If the victim has already left the house, but can go back to get the children safely, she should do so immediately, if she feels that she or her children are in imminent danger, she should call the police and have them accompany her to retrieve the children and/or personal belongings.
Characteristics of abusers:
- Jealousy, often suspicious of other male figures in partner's life and will accuse her of having an affair
- Isolates partner from their friends, family and other positive relationships
- Tries to control partner and may demand their location at all times
- Uses finances to control partner and won't share access to money or bank accounts
- Jekyll and Hyde personalities
- May have other problems with the law
- Explosive temper; flies into a rage without provocation
- Blames partner for everything, even his own faults
- Verbally assaults wife or partner (insults, put downs, name calling)
- Denies or claims he can’t remember the beatings or their severity
- Drives partner away, then does anything to get her back. He may apologize profusely, send her flowers, or lavish her with gifts
- Once wife or partner returns, the cycle continues
Many batterers and abusers may have been raised in violent homes, growing up believing that hurting people is normal. People with this point of view most likely have issues in dealing with conflict and use violence to deal with their anger.
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